Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
