i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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