Betty ford says i'm here all night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
