i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
