he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
