i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
