Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
