just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
