do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
