i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
