I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
sarcasm needs its own font
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
