come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
