My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
