Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
