Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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