This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
