the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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