I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
