I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
