I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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