life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
