He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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