Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
