i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
