ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
