Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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