Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
