Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
