Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
