Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
