Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
