This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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