dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
