im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
