i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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