You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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