my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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