i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
