"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
