Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
