i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
