Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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