There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
