I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
