My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
