I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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