Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
