Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
