I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
