remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
